15th July, 2014.

Day 3 of buserelin today, still not liking the injections, but at least I know what to expect now. I have, however, experienced my first real side effect….. After I went back to bed after my injection, I had the most vivid dreams. First of all I dreamt I was shoe shopping with an old school friend, who was really good friends with Victoria Beckham, who came along too. VB was looking for flat, black strappy sandals, instead she found a mid calf length white tutu type skirt, with pink/iridescent sequins all over it, the sort of thing you would find in a child’s dressing up box. Anyway, VB loved it, tried it on, and was parading around topless, looking for a top to go with it. David Beckham then walked in, telling VB that she shouldn’t be buying new things, as they were on an economy drive. He then went down to the staff room, and made himself a fry-up, with black pudding, claiming it was healthy….. The dream then changed to me being in one of the lifts at the hospital I work in, I wanted to go to the second floor, but the lift bypassed all the floors, spun around, and opened up on the roof, where we were told to sit on the edge, where we could watch the comedian John Bishop hosting an underwater dinner party. There were underwater helium balloons, which were lit up so they would glow. JB was wearing a big glass bowl on his head. My dream then changed to me walking up the road, and I saw a bloke who I had recently challenged about inciting religious hatred (in real life). He pointed at me, and asked me to speak to him he then proceeded to start attacking me, and beating me up! It was horrible! My dream then went back to my house, where one of my chickens was vomiting natural yoghurt, I rushed her into the kitchen, bathed her and nursed her back to health.

 

And, the Husband also felt my wrath! I was a total bitch to him, and he was lovely to me, but did tell me I was being a bitch, we made me giggle. I also shouted at some smart-ass in the street who was having a go at me for not indicating, even though it was blocked off in one of the directions, meaning I could only go one way….

So, there we have it, my first Buserelin side effects……!

 

 

 

14th July, 2014

Day 2 of Buserelin today. I had a bit more of a meltdown this morning, the thought of doing this for the next few weeks was overwhelming, but I manned up, and did it, on the other leg from yesterday. It felt a little easier, but certainly not something I am enjoying doing. I’ve been reading up on the side effects of Buserelin today, I think most women tend to feel really tired, sluggish, and maybe a bit less tolerant, with a shorter temper – oh my lucky, lucky husband!  I had more acupuncture today, and felt very odd for about a couple of hours afterwards, slightly vacant, very tearful, but ready for an almighty arguement! Thankfully The Husband was very lovely (we’re both on annual leave at the moment) and just pandered to me. I hope this isn’t going to be how I am, but I guess I will know as we go on.

13th July, 2014

So, one of the most exciting yet daunting journeys of my life started today! I am so excited that we might end up with a baby at the end of this, yet scared that it isn’t going to work. I had been really worrying about the injections – not the thought of pushing the needle through my skin, but the thought of flushing the liquid into my body. Set my alarm for 06.25, so that I would be prepared to inject at 06.30. I prepared my syringe with no problem (benefits of being a nurse and a midwife ;) ) then sat on the edge of the bed. I honestly thought I was going to vomit. I pushed the needle through my skin slowly, it wasn’t too bad, I liked the feeling of being able to control this myself. I very slowly began to plunge the buserelin into my subcutaneous fat. I was expecting it to sting, but I think I was pinching my fat so hard that I didn’t feel anything else! Felt so relieved when it was done, very tiny spot of blood after, but other than that, I couldn’t even tell where I had injected! Felt like a momentous step, like when you get a mortgage, proper grown up stuff. The Husband was lovely, touching my back as I did it. I said that some blokes like to do the injections, to feel more  apart of the process – he looked like I had pissed on his chips, there is no way he wants to do it! So, there we have it, I’ve finally started IVF…..

2nd July, 2014.

Eeeeeeeppppp! We’re starting IVF on 13th July. We had our clinic appointment this morning, TSH level is fine, it finally decided to come down with an increased dose. My TPOab have increased, which isn’t good news, but the clinic don’t really acknowledge immune issues. So. I’ve come home with loads of info sheets on IVF, we’ve signed out lives away, and I have a bag full of syringes, needles and drugs. Scary, scary.

29th June, 2014

We have a date for IVF, starting 14th July, eeeeeepppp! I can’t believe we are starting it so soon. It’s completely the wrong time for us, I’m not working, I haven’t worked for nearly a year, we are in SO much debt (added it up this afternoon, it’s not pretty reading :( ). We briefly discussed delaying IVF, but I would always be thinking ‘what if?’, ‘what if this is our only chance?’. I’ve got a rip roaring kidney infection at the moment, which will only add to the adhesions, making everything worse. ‘What if they can’t get the eggs from my ovaries?’. So, we’re still going for it. I’ve got a blood test tomorrow for my thyroid levels, just hoping the level is below 2.0, otherwise IVF will be delayed by another month.

 

However, I started acupuncture last week, apparently I’m fairly easy to feel the energy points on, so I guess that I’m not all bad ;)  I’ve got 2 sessions this week, and will go from there, maybe that will make everything all come together…….

20th June, 2014

So much has happened, my head is in a spin and I’m dreading the next few months. Fuck. FUCK. I had surgery a week last Monday, to try and unblock my ‘not so damaged tubes’. Well guess what, it didn’t work – it really shouldn’t have come as such a surprise. I was in surgery twice as long as I should have been, and I was in so much pain afterwards, that I had to stay in overnight, when I should have gone home, and in fact, I demanded they discharged me when they admitted me on to the gynae ward and placed me in a room with 2 pregnant women, sensitive, huh? Anyway, my left tube IS mangled beyond repair and has been clipped to prevent hydrosalpinx developing in the future. Right tube is doing it’s own sweet thing, which isn’t what it should be doing. They managed to unblock about 2/3rds of it (so again, my tube that wasn’t really blocked, was really blocked). One of the surgeons thought he could see a tiny spot of fluid pass through the tube, so they didn’t clip it, I wish they had. The adhesions are getting worse, and are now involving my bowel. Both of my ovaries are embedded in the adhesions too. Hey, it’s sounding more and more positive with each sentence I write….. Our consultant was very blunt when she came to see me after surgery, saying that we need to start IVF ASAP. I was stunned, if I wasn’t lying in bed (and off my face on morphine!) I would have collapsed. My consultant has never been direct, we’ve never had any guidance during this, just options of what could be done. So, we start IVF next month, my ovaries are aching at the thought of it, and I am petrified. So, so scared. I’m a nurse, and I’m scared of the injections. I’m scared of IVF not working. I’m scared I’m never going to be  Mummy, Mum, Mother. I am so anxious, I’m crying everyday. The Husband is being so pragmatic about it, I’m sure it’s a man thing. He just says that it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work, we try again.

 

So there we have it, waiting for my period to show up, then we’ll be on the 3 week countdown to IVF. I can’t believe it’s happening so soon.

5th June, 2014

Well, it’s been a little while, hasn’t it! Not much has happened, really, until yesterday. The Husband and I have decided we are going to leave our current clinic, and go to a private clinic that offers NHS funded treatment. We had our heart set on Nottingham Care, but unfortunately our CCG will not transfer our funding for there. We were told it either the current clinic we are at, or Midland Fertility Services. We went to an open evening there, and they have been nothing but super, super helpful! I’ve had consultants look over my history and advise us, despite me not officially being a patient there! There might be an issue with funding, although hopefully not, as my CCG have said that they will happily support our transfer there, it’s just something the clinic haven’t done with someone from my area before.

 

So, what happened yesterday? Well, I’ve been waiting for a date for tubal surgery – which came through last Friday, for next Monday. I had a couple of queries, so contacted my consultant, who was patronising and suggested we had another consultation prior to surgery. So we did, yesterday. It transpires that we had been given the wrong information. The Husband and I were strongly under the impression that my tubes were blocked from start to finish, and were ‘mangled beyond repair’. They’re not. The tubes are blocked at the point where they attach to the uterus, which in terms of tubal blockage, is probably the best blockage to have, and easiest to rectify, hurray! Downside is the adhesions are a lot more severe than we thought, with both ovaries adhering to either the pelvic wall, or other adhesions. From what they visualised in the surgery in January, both tubes and ovaries are healthy. So, surgery on Monday to remove the adhesions and unblock both tubes, if successful, we’ll be back in the world of TTC, which we haven’t been in for a long, long time! IVF is still on the agenda, thinking possibly around November time. I’m really trying not to get my hopes up, but I can’t help but feel that we have a little bit of a chance now!