Tuesday 11th March, 2014.

Yes, it’s Tuesday again, and that means weigh in time! I have lost 4lbs this week, taking my total loss to 6 stone and 5.5lbs in total, hurrah! I’m not quite at the goal needed for IVF, but I’m only 3.5lbs away, which I will lose next week. At the start of my weight loss journey I did not even dare to dream that I could do this, I only focused on getting to the magic BMI 29.9 for IVF. Now I’m focusing on BMI 24.9, to be at an ‘officially’ healthy weight. And I can’t believe how close I am to it, it’s within sight!

And today is my appointment for follow up at clinic after my operation. I’m really nervous, more nervous than I have ever been for a fertility clinic appointment. I think I’m still trying to get my head around my tubes being blocked, I’ve no idea what she’s going to say about my thyroid antibodies – and what she does say will fill me with dread either way. We have booked to go to an open evening at a private fertility clinic, who seem to be more on the ball with autoimmune issues, and that is in April. I hate not knowing what my plan of treatment will be, I just feel like my body is not my own.

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Tuesday 4th March, 2014

Yay, Tuesday is weigh day and this week I lost 3lbs, which means I only have 7lbs left to lose before they say yes to IVF…… Hurrah! However, it isn’t going to happen that soon unfortunately. We’ve made the decision to wait until I am working and qualify for full maternity benefts, which means that we won’t be starting IVF until at least August, as I still need to find a job. I’ve just passed my midwifery degree, so I’m busily applying for midwifery posts. I’m also a qualified nurse, and I’ve been offered my ideal nursing post, so I’ve got a massive decision to make….

Clinic is 7 days away (well, at the moment, they nearly always change our appointment…..) so I need to prepare a list of questions that I’m hoping they can answer. The list, so far, goes as follows:

1) Can my fallopian tubes be unblocked? Is this recommended?

2) What was the result of my uterine biopsy? Is it endo?

3) If my tubes can not be unblocked, is it recommended that they are removed? Is there a hydrosalpinx there? Will this cause fluid to leak into my uterus and cause implantation failure?

4) My TPO antibodies – what can be done about this? Am I likely to have other immune issues?

5) (I’m kind of expecting The Husbands sperm analysis to be bad news, nearly everything else has been!) What is the significance of the results?

 

I’m sure I will think of more questions…..

Friday 28th February, 2014

I have felt so bereft this week, my poor laptop cable went to laptop cable heaven, and thus I’ve not been able to access the internet much, only on my phone. However, a shiny new laptop cable has arrived this morning, and I’m back in the land of the internet again (incidentally, I got so much more housework done when I was without my laptop…). Fortunately nothing too eventful occurred this week, at weigh in I lost 4lbs, which takes me to around 10lbs needed to  lose before I can have IVF, hurrah! Follow up clinic is in 11 days time, I’m looking forward to having the full picture.

Wednesday 19th February 2014

So, good news! I’ve completed my first week back on the Cambridge Weight Plan (CWP) and from last Wednesday morning I’ve lost 12.5lbs! I’m SO happy with that, I really am. Takes me much closer to the goal needed for IVF,  and I feel like I can see a difference. I feel less bloated, tummy looks smaller and I think I can see my collar bones making a re-appearance! I’ve only got 8 weeks until I can start upping the protein that I eat – I need to make sure I do this for a minimum of 12 weeks before IVF. At the end of the next 8 weeks I’m hoping my BMI will be around 28/27, and that in the 12 weeks following I can get my BMI down to below 25. It really feels achievable now, I’m really not that far away, especially when I started off with such a large BMI of 46…. I look back on those photos and really wonder why I did that, how did I let myself get like that. There is no way I’m going back to that, that’s for certain! Clinic appointment in 2 weeks and 6 days, I know I’m not going to be at goal weight, but to be honest, this appointment is about setting a plan, using all the up to date test info we have. We will get the full results from my operation, including uterine biopsy. I’ve had all my bloods taken again, so will have a better idea of what my hormones are up to, and The Husband has had his fishes tested again, so yes, we will have a very clear picture then.

Bad news – I had my smear test yesterday, and my cervix looks abnormal. Apparently I have 2 ‘horns’ on my cervix (oohh, a horny cervix, get me!). The lovely nurse got the lovely GP into to have a look, felt like I should have started charging for tickets ’round up, round up! Come and see the freak show!’. Anyway, GP doesn’t seem to concerned, if smear comes back negative then they will just leave it. When I got home last night I suddenly remembered that about 10 years ago I was referred to the gynae team, who did swabs etc, and they noticed something on my cervix then. It’s just odd as nobody had mentioned anything since then! I will ask my doc at the fertility clinic when I go, as I had a hysteroscopy, so surely they would have seen it too…. So, fingers crossed it’s all a fuss about nothing, and that I just have a unique cervix – the midwife (albeit it not quite qualified as a midwife, very nearly there, just waiting for uni to process the paperwork and get my registration sent off…) is already worrying about my cervix dilating when I get into labour. I can just imagine my horny cervix leaving my with just a tiny lip, not allowing me to be fully dilated, which would probably be typical for me, if I’m honest! Anyway, moral of the story is this: please keep up to date with your smear tests. My school friend died earlier this month from cervical cancer, she was 34.  Please, if you don’t know when your last one was, phone your surgery and check. Book it in. It only takes 2 minutes and it could save your life.

Saturday 15th February 2014

So, I started back on the Cambridge Weight Plan, today is day 4. I’ve stuck to plan, and not really struggling with feeling hungry, which is good. What I am struggling with is the mental side of it. I’m only 4 days in and I’m feeling really low, really missing food. I’ve no idea how I am going to carry on. The Husband is fab, he’s preparing his own food and doing the food shopping. Great, yes? Yes. However, he’s come home and has bought a trolley full of healthy food, which had got to be better than unhealthy food, right? Wrong. I’m now sat here, trying to bargain with myself ‘Yes, you can come off the plan, eat lots of healthy food, go to the gym, go swimming, go for walks etc, etc.’. Promises I’ve made and broken in the passed. I know that I struggle sticking to things like slimming world or weight watchers and basic calorie counting, I don’t have the resolve to stick to it. I only need to lose another 1 stone and 7lbs to be eligible for IVF, and we’re probably looking at doing that in August/September, so I’m in no rush. Which doesn’t help as I’m not provided with an immediate deadline. Before I started this attempt I had decided that I will stay on this part of the plan (459 cals a day) until my birthday, which is less than 9 weeks away, then step up the plan to start including more protein, ready for starting IVF around 3 months later. I’ve done really well on this plan previously – I lost 4st and 5lbs in around 15 weeks last year, so I know it works for me. I’m feeling so miserable right now. Oh, and to top it all off, I’ve got another wound infection, and I’m on my second lot of antibiotics. Joy.

Tuesday 21st January 2014

So, enough of the ‘woe is me’. It is what it is. I can’t change it, I need to focus on the positive (pun not intended!) and look at what I can do to optimise my chances of IVF working. I need to formulate a plan. Over the last couple of days I have been researching IVF and now have a bit more of a solid idea of what will happen. I need to jump a few hurdles first, but we will get there. So first hurdle – weight, the dreaded BMI! I completely understand the focus on BMI as an important factor for fertility and pregnancy. My BMI was 44 (I heard that intake of breath 😉 ). Yes, I was a big old girl. I lost just over 6 stone last year (put some of it back on when I went on an amazing cruise around the Caribbean for Christmas and New Year). So in order for me to get to the treatment BMI of 29.9, I need to lose a stone and a half- this doesn’t phase me at all, infact, I’m aiming to get to a BMI of around 22-23, to give me some leeway.  I lost a lot of the weight doing the Cambridge Weight Plan, so I will do that again, when I’ve healed more from my operation. I aim to come off CWP towards the end of April, and switch to a protein based diet. My husband had a sperm analysis done just before Christmas, so we are awaiting the results of that, but it’s likely that he will have some lifestyle changes to make too, I guess I’ll write more about that on another day. I’m feeling positive today, I think I’m getting to the stage where I’ve accepted what our situation is, and there is no point moping, almost grieving really. I need to be positive.  Our follow up clinic appointment is around mid-March, I will be under the magic BMI of 29.9!