I just cannot stop myself getting worked up about IVF. It seems that every spare moment of time, I am researching IVF, looking for things I can do to improve my chances. Researching all the ‘added extras’ such as having an endometrial scratch, using an embryoscope, using EmbryoGlue, having accupuncture, meditation, weight loss, vitamin supplements and even planning to visit the chalk fertility ‘thing’ in the south of England. I’m currently obsessed with comparing clinics results against each other, but the results aren’t very recent, and so many advances have happened in the world of IVF recently, and I don’t think the current HFEA results reflect these advances. Everyday in the media there is always something about infertility/IVF that may offer conflicting views to those you already hold, or conflicting advice to that which you have already taken on board – most recently taking pre-conception multivitamins has shown links to increased miscarriage rates. Seriously, what is a desperate woman to do? I’ve even been researching IVF clinics abroad – I really don’t know if we will have further attempts of IVF in the UK or not.
I’m also getting very worked up about having treatment and working my scans / blood tests / medication around working shifts. In an ideal world, I don’t want anyone I know, especially work colleages, to know I am going through IVF. I don’t want to have to tell people that the treatment failed, or tell them early on that I am pregnant. This is something so, so personal to me, it’s something that I am petrified about and I don’t want to feel like the whole world is watching me. Whilst I moan about the media not offering a true representation of the roller-coaster of infertility, it is still something that is personal and unique to every individual that experiences it.