4th September, 2014

Well, OTD was yesterday! I went to the clinic, nervous but excited, surely 14 home pregnancy tests can’t be wrong! I am friends with one of the nurses at the clinic, we trained as nurses together, so I had been chatting to her all before and during the IVF, and during the 2WW. I’d told her that I’d done the tests, and she was cautiously optimistic about it! So, we get called through by a different nurse, who passes comment that she doesn’t need to test my urine, as I’d already done so many tests, she then started telling me off, like I was a school child, I actually felt a bit humiliated. This was the day that I’d been aiming for, to become officially pregnant. I didn’t expect fanfares etc, but she was actually quite rude. Barely smiled, and barely mumbled a congratulations as we walked out the door. We were in and out in a minute. No advice on early pregnancy, no advice on taking vitamins etc, just that they’d see me in 3 weeks for a scan. That was it. I know this is their job, but for me and The Husband, and for many many couples, to have a baby is such a burning desire, this moment is what we aim for, to see those 2 pink lines, or the word ‘pregnant’ without a ‘not’ in front of it.

I am so happy, I am pregnant. The next 36 weeks aren’t going to be easy, I’m at high risk of miscarriage, but for the time being, I’m pregnant and I am going to have a baby in May! Scan on 23rd September, make sure it is in the right place, and see if there is a heartbeat – and see how many there are, I have a 25% chance of twins, eeekkk!

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Wednesday 22nd January 2014

BFP (Big Fat Positive- as in positive pregnancy test) dreams. Do you ever have them? The dreams where you POAS (pee on a stick) and it comes up positive. Well, I had a good one last night. We were due to start IVF, we had everything ready to go, including a folder of information from Clearblue (the pregnancy test people – quite what they were giving me info on IVF for I don’t know!). It was my sister in law’s birthday, and my mother in law suspected I was pregnant already and made me and my husband go home to do a pregnancy test. It was positive! (albeit with 3 lines – I desperately tried to read through my Clearblue folder as to what 3 lines meant, but my husband wanted to go back and tell the family). Yay, I was pregnant! We went back to tell them, I made a big show of trying to look sad and depressed, but then made everyone sit on the sofa whilst my husband and I stood in front of them proudly, and my husband said those words ‘we’re having a baby’. I can remember in the dream that I was worried about how much stuff we need to do to the house (and for those that have been to my house, you will know we need to do EVERYTHING!). And then I woke up. Not pregnant. No folder full of information from Clearblue. No BFP.