4th September, 2014

Well, OTD was yesterday! I went to the clinic, nervous but excited, surely 14 home pregnancy tests can’t be wrong! I am friends with one of the nurses at the clinic, we trained as nurses together, so I had been chatting to her all before and during the IVF, and during the 2WW. I’d told her that I’d done the tests, and she was cautiously optimistic about it! So, we get called through by a different nurse, who passes comment that she doesn’t need to test my urine, as I’d already done so many tests, she then started telling me off, like I was a school child, I actually felt a bit humiliated. This was the day that I’d been aiming for, to become officially pregnant. I didn’t expect fanfares etc, but she was actually quite rude. Barely smiled, and barely mumbled a congratulations as we walked out the door. We were in and out in a minute. No advice on early pregnancy, no advice on taking vitamins etc, just that they’d see me in 3 weeks for a scan. That was it. I know this is their job, but for me and The Husband, and for many many couples, to have a baby is such a burning desire, this moment is what we aim for, to see those 2 pink lines, or the word ‘pregnant’ without a ‘not’ in front of it.

I am so happy, I am pregnant. The next 36 weeks aren’t going to be easy, I’m at high risk of miscarriage, but for the time being, I’m pregnant and I am going to have a baby in May! Scan on 23rd September, make sure it is in the right place, and see if there is a heartbeat – and see how many there are, I have a 25% chance of twins, eeekkk!

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Tuesday 11th March, 2014.

Yes, it’s Tuesday again, and that means weigh in time! I have lost 4lbs this week, taking my total loss to 6 stone and 5.5lbs in total, hurrah! I’m not quite at the goal needed for IVF, but I’m only 3.5lbs away, which I will lose next week. At the start of my weight loss journey I did not even dare to dream that I could do this, I only focused on getting to the magic BMI 29.9 for IVF. Now I’m focusing on BMI 24.9, to be at an ‘officially’ healthy weight. And I can’t believe how close I am to it, it’s within sight!

And today is my appointment for follow up at clinic after my operation. I’m really nervous, more nervous than I have ever been for a fertility clinic appointment. I think I’m still trying to get my head around my tubes being blocked, I’ve no idea what she’s going to say about my thyroid antibodies – and what she does say will fill me with dread either way. We have booked to go to an open evening at a private fertility clinic, who seem to be more on the ball with autoimmune issues, and that is in April. I hate not knowing what my plan of treatment will be, I just feel like my body is not my own.