29th June, 2014

We have a date for IVF, starting 14th July, eeeeeepppp! I can’t believe we are starting it so soon. It’s completely the wrong time for us, I’m not working, I haven’t worked for nearly a year, we are in SO much debt (added it up this afternoon, it’s not pretty reading 😦 ). We briefly discussed delaying IVF, but I would always be thinking ‘what if?’, ‘what if this is our only chance?’. I’ve got a rip roaring kidney infection at the moment, which will only add to the adhesions, making everything worse. ‘What if they can’t get the eggs from my ovaries?’. So, we’re still going for it. I’ve got a blood test tomorrow for my thyroid levels, just hoping the level is below 2.0, otherwise IVF will be delayed by another month.

 

However, I started acupuncture last week, apparently I’m fairly easy to feel the energy points on, so I guess that I’m not all bad 😉  I’ve got 2 sessions this week, and will go from there, maybe that will make everything all come together…….

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20th June, 2014

So much has happened, my head is in a spin and I’m dreading the next few months. Fuck. FUCK. I had surgery a week last Monday, to try and unblock my ‘not so damaged tubes’. Well guess what, it didn’t work – it really shouldn’t have come as such a surprise. I was in surgery twice as long as I should have been, and I was in so much pain afterwards, that I had to stay in overnight, when I should have gone home, and in fact, I demanded they discharged me when they admitted me on to the gynae ward and placed me in a room with 2 pregnant women, sensitive, huh? Anyway, my left tube IS mangled beyond repair and has been clipped to prevent hydrosalpinx developing in the future. Right tube is doing it’s own sweet thing, which isn’t what it should be doing. They managed to unblock about 2/3rds of it (so again, my tube that wasn’t really blocked, was really blocked). One of the surgeons thought he could see a tiny spot of fluid pass through the tube, so they didn’t clip it, I wish they had. The adhesions are getting worse, and are now involving my bowel. Both of my ovaries are embedded in the adhesions too. Hey, it’s sounding more and more positive with each sentence I write….. Our consultant was very blunt when she came to see me after surgery, saying that we need to start IVF ASAP. I was stunned, if I wasn’t lying in bed (and off my face on morphine!) I would have collapsed. My consultant has never been direct, we’ve never had any guidance during this, just options of what could be done. So, we start IVF next month, my ovaries are aching at the thought of it, and I am petrified. So, so scared. I’m a nurse, and I’m scared of the injections. I’m scared of IVF not working. I’m scared I’m never going to be  Mummy, Mum, Mother. I am so anxious, I’m crying everyday. The Husband is being so pragmatic about it, I’m sure it’s a man thing. He just says that it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work, we try again.

 

So there we have it, waiting for my period to show up, then we’ll be on the 3 week countdown to IVF. I can’t believe it’s happening so soon.

5th June, 2014

Well, it’s been a little while, hasn’t it! Not much has happened, really, until yesterday. The Husband and I have decided we are going to leave our current clinic, and go to a private clinic that offers NHS funded treatment. We had our heart set on Nottingham Care, but unfortunately our CCG will not transfer our funding for there. We were told it either the current clinic we are at, or Midland Fertility Services. We went to an open evening there, and they have been nothing but super, super helpful! I’ve had consultants look over my history and advise us, despite me not officially being a patient there! There might be an issue with funding, although hopefully not, as my CCG have said that they will happily support our transfer there, it’s just something the clinic haven’t done with someone from my area before.

 

So, what happened yesterday? Well, I’ve been waiting for a date for tubal surgery – which came through last Friday, for next Monday. I had a couple of queries, so contacted my consultant, who was patronising and suggested we had another consultation prior to surgery. So we did, yesterday. It transpires that we had been given the wrong information. The Husband and I were strongly under the impression that my tubes were blocked from start to finish, and were ‘mangled beyond repair’. They’re not. The tubes are blocked at the point where they attach to the uterus, which in terms of tubal blockage, is probably the best blockage to have, and easiest to rectify, hurray! Downside is the adhesions are a lot more severe than we thought, with both ovaries adhering to either the pelvic wall, or other adhesions. From what they visualised in the surgery in January, both tubes and ovaries are healthy. So, surgery on Monday to remove the adhesions and unblock both tubes, if successful, we’ll be back in the world of TTC, which we haven’t been in for a long, long time! IVF is still on the agenda, thinking possibly around November time. I’m really trying not to get my hopes up, but I can’t help but feel that we have a little bit of a chance now!