So much has happened, my head is in a spin and I’m dreading the next few months. Fuck. FUCK. I had surgery a week last Monday, to try and unblock my ‘not so damaged tubes’. Well guess what, it didn’t work – it really shouldn’t have come as such a surprise. I was in surgery twice as long as I should have been, and I was in so much pain afterwards, that I had to stay in overnight, when I should have gone home, and in fact, I demanded they discharged me when they admitted me on to the gynae ward and placed me in a room with 2 pregnant women, sensitive, huh? Anyway, my left tube IS mangled beyond repair and has been clipped to prevent hydrosalpinx developing in the future. Right tube is doing it’s own sweet thing, which isn’t what it should be doing. They managed to unblock about 2/3rds of it (so again, my tube that wasn’t really blocked, was really blocked). One of the surgeons thought he could see a tiny spot of fluid pass through the tube, so they didn’t clip it, I wish they had. The adhesions are getting worse, and are now involving my bowel. Both of my ovaries are embedded in the adhesions too. Hey, it’s sounding more and more positive with each sentence I write….. Our consultant was very blunt when she came to see me after surgery, saying that we need to start IVF ASAP. I was stunned, if I wasn’t lying in bed (and off my face on morphine!) I would have collapsed. My consultant has never been direct, we’ve never had any guidance during this, just options of what could be done. So, we start IVF next month, my ovaries are aching at the thought of it, and I am petrified. So, so scared. I’m a nurse, and I’m scared of the injections. I’m scared of IVF not working. I’m scared I’m never going to beĀ Mummy, Mum, Mother. I am so anxious, I’m crying everyday. The Husband is being so pragmatic about it, I’m sure it’s a man thing. He just says that it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work, we try again.
So there we have it, waiting for my period to show up, then we’ll be on the 3 week countdown to IVF. I can’t believe it’s happening so soon.