Eeeeeeeppppp! We’re starting IVF on 13th July. We had our clinic appointment this morning, TSH level is fine, it finally decided to come down with an increased dose. My TPOab have increased, which isn’t good news, but the clinic don’t really acknowledge immune issues. So. I’ve come home with loads of info sheets on IVF, we’ve signed out lives away, and I have a bag full of syringes, needles and drugs. Scary, scary.
So much has happened, my head is in a spin and I’m dreading the next few months. Fuck. FUCK. I had surgery a week last Monday, to try and unblock my ‘not so damaged tubes’. Well guess what, it didn’t work – it really shouldn’t have come as such a surprise. I was in surgery twice as long as I should have been, and I was in so much pain afterwards, that I had to stay in overnight, when I should have gone home, and in fact, I demanded they discharged me when they admitted me on to the gynae ward and placed me in a room with 2 pregnant women, sensitive, huh? Anyway, my left tube IS mangled beyond repair and has been clipped to prevent hydrosalpinx developing in the future. Right tube is doing it’s own sweet thing, which isn’t what it should be doing. They managed to unblock about 2/3rds of it (so again, my tube that wasn’t really blocked, was really blocked). One of the surgeons thought he could see a tiny spot of fluid pass through the tube, so they didn’t clip it, I wish they had. The adhesions are getting worse, and are now involving my bowel. Both of my ovaries are embedded in the adhesions too. Hey, it’s sounding more and more positive with each sentence I write….. Our consultant was very blunt when she came to see me after surgery, saying that we need to start IVF ASAP. I was stunned, if I wasn’t lying in bed (and off my face on morphine!) I would have collapsed. My consultant has never been direct, we’ve never had any guidance during this, just options of what could be done. So, we start IVF next month, my ovaries are aching at the thought of it, and I am petrified. So, so scared. I’m a nurse, and I’m scared of the injections. I’m scared of IVF not working. I’m scared I’m never going to be Mummy, Mum, Mother. I am so anxious, I’m crying everyday. The Husband is being so pragmatic about it, I’m sure it’s a man thing. He just says that it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work, we try again.
So there we have it, waiting for my period to show up, then we’ll be on the 3 week countdown to IVF. I can’t believe it’s happening so soon.
Yay, Tuesday is weigh day and this week I lost 3lbs, which means I only have 7lbs left to lose before they say yes to IVF…… Hurrah! However, it isn’t going to happen that soon unfortunately. We’ve made the decision to wait until I am working and qualify for full maternity benefts, which means that we won’t be starting IVF until at least August, as I still need to find a job. I’ve just passed my midwifery degree, so I’m busily applying for midwifery posts. I’m also a qualified nurse, and I’ve been offered my ideal nursing post, so I’ve got a massive decision to make….
Clinic is 7 days away (well, at the moment, they nearly always change our appointment…..) so I need to prepare a list of questions that I’m hoping they can answer. The list, so far, goes as follows:
1) Can my fallopian tubes be unblocked? Is this recommended?
2) What was the result of my uterine biopsy? Is it endo?
3) If my tubes can not be unblocked, is it recommended that they are removed? Is there a hydrosalpinx there? Will this cause fluid to leak into my uterus and cause implantation failure?
4) My TPO antibodies – what can be done about this? Am I likely to have other immune issues?
5) (I’m kind of expecting The Husbands sperm analysis to be bad news, nearly everything else has been!) What is the significance of the results?
I’m sure I will think of more questions…..
So, enough of the ‘woe is me’. It is what it is. I can’t change it, I need to focus on the positive (pun not intended!) and look at what I can do to optimise my chances of IVF working. I need to formulate a plan. Over the last couple of days I have been researching IVF and now have a bit more of a solid idea of what will happen. I need to jump a few hurdles first, but we will get there. So first hurdle – weight, the dreaded BMI! I completely understand the focus on BMI as an important factor for fertility and pregnancy. My BMI was 44 (I heard that intake of breath 😉 ). Yes, I was a big old girl. I lost just over 6 stone last year (put some of it back on when I went on an amazing cruise around the Caribbean for Christmas and New Year). So in order for me to get to the treatment BMI of 29.9, I need to lose a stone and a half- this doesn’t phase me at all, infact, I’m aiming to get to a BMI of around 22-23, to give me some leeway. I lost a lot of the weight doing the Cambridge Weight Plan, so I will do that again, when I’ve healed more from my operation. I aim to come off CWP towards the end of April, and switch to a protein based diet. My husband had a sperm analysis done just before Christmas, so we are awaiting the results of that, but it’s likely that he will have some lifestyle changes to make too, I guess I’ll write more about that on another day. I’m feeling positive today, I think I’m getting to the stage where I’ve accepted what our situation is, and there is no point moping, almost grieving really. I need to be positive. Our follow up clinic appointment is around mid-March, I will be under the magic BMI of 29.9!